I'm not always aware of when I'm in physical pain, or how much pain I'm in. I have had daily pain for many years, and I have learned to dissociate from it so that I'm not forced to deal with it on a constant basis. That's helpful in some ways, but the flip side is that it can be difficult for me to be present with the pain when I need to, for example in order to quantify my pain level for a doctor. I can also find myself unexpectedly tired, or sad, or just vacant, and not realize why until later. Today I found myself with tears running down my cheeks as I sat waiting for a CT scan; at the time, I thought it was just because I was so tired, but later I realized that I hadn't been able to get comfortable in my chair, and I had been rubbing my fingers, elbows, shoulders, and neck because the joints hurt so much.
Based on the number of times this kind of thing has happened in the past few weeks, I think my pain level has been pretty bad. I know I mentioned spinal pain to my doctor when I saw her on 2/17; it has to be bad enough that I can't tune it out in order for me to mention it to a doctor anymore. I know I have been taking more hot baths to help me sleep, and spending more time with the heating pad on my back.
It's not the first time I have had this revelation, but I think it might be the first time since I started keeping this blog. No need to reinvent the wheel next time, now.
a Baltimorean with Chronic Lyme Disease
I've found that many of us with chronic pain don't realize the extent of our daily pain until it is relieved, even slightly. For all the times I've been glad to have a high pain tolerance (childbirth, breaking ribs), I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I could shed the core reason I have it in the first place.
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